when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
