We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
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