even my farts smell like vagina
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
