maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
