dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
And then my night got REAL pukey
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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