TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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