question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
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