Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
