I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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