ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
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