There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
