I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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