my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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