Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
