is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
