So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
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