It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
