i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I got inside last night via doggy door
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
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