Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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