i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
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He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
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I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
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