Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
