so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Randomize
