matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
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