I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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