i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Randomize
