your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
