...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
