My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
After last night, I could never be a politician.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
How many fucks given?
0.12846
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
