In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
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