BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Randomize
