drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
