if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize