That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
3 2 1 whiskey
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Randomize
