so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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