we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
