As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
