I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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