Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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