turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
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