Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
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