literally had 100 drinks last night.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
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