the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
