I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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