I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I wish they made helmets for livers.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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