drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
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