WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Randomize
