i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
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it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
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I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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