Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
