Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
