but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
