It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I'm like, not good at living.
Randomize
