in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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