If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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