you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
