i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
