I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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