I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
