Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
