he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Randomize
