Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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