Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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