have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
