I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
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