Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Randomize
