where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...