Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
