She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
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for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
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I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.