Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
23 People Noticed Deal Breakers in Their Partner A Little Too Late
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.