also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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