Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Edward fifth and chaser hands
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work