Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
