just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
