i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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