I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
