The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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