i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
