I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
