Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Randomize
