help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
