Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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