the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
