she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
