just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Randomize
