If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
