What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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