This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
