When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
