Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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