wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
