I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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