i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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