She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Randomize
