my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
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