do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
