Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
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